Wednesday, August 02, 2006

Two Cent Rantings of the Heart

Am I really doing this? Leaving for good? It doesn't feel like it, but apparently it's true. I keep telling myself to feel more, it's like I'm yelling at my heart to understand what's happening and really sense it all, but it can't. ...I suppose that means I'm just ready. Truth is I think I've been saying goodbye for a long time now in my own way. It's surprising that the time has snuck up on me and here I am standing at the door. My time ran out.

There's never an easy way to leave someone, ever. Leaving people is the sucky part. It's like walking away with little pieces of myself missing. Places in my heart that belongs to others. I’ve walked this road too many times to not know this feeling was coming. Every time I leave somewhere where I've given my heart and my life I leave wondering if I can ever love the same again.

Of course I know the answer, but it doesn’t make hurt any less. Personally I've decided that life isn't worth living if I'm not loving, even though at times I think it will destroy me. Loving people is so risky, even the best of friendships are painful. But life without love is truly meaningless and void of all color, emotion, and with my friends entertainment :) People like me die without friendship. I don't know if there is a more glorious feeling than being in the company of friends who know everything about me and still love me, no matter how absurd I can be. To be fully known and know others is one of the most essential aspects of life.

Here I am leaving some of the people who hold my heart and embrace me in all my madness. These are friendships that some people look a lifetime to find, I have it, and I'm leaving. I must be crazy.

But that's the way it goes when you follow the cloud. I am part of the people who live their life pursuing the calling that they believe God has placed on their lives. And for me that means I have to leave. I was never meant to stay. My passion to know and follow God is stronger than all other loves, and deeper than any friendship could be. It just seems so odd when it's not tangible.

So all this to say I guess this is to my friends that I’m leaving. I will miss you so much. And I treasure all the time I have been privileged to spend with you. From those who know me, to those who hardly know me at all; thank you. You have made my life rich and I am a better person because of knowing you.

It’s not really goodbye unless you want it to be. The power to keep relationships is a two-way deal. I won’t let go if you don’t. I couldn’t be anymore honest. I am loyal and I will always be here if you need me. Besides everyone needs a spaz in their life for amusement’s sake.

Ok I have to end now. I suppose it's time to finish packing my boxes, blasting my tunes, and like one of my fav U2 songs...... walking on......


Danielle Renee at 9:47 AM

4comments

4 Comments

at 6:07 AM Blogger Adele said...

Nope, have absolutely no idea what you are talking about.

I find leaving pieces of my heart and friends all over the world dead easy and I never flinch about it, think I see them in the supermarket or just cry about it.

(Does sarcasm work on a blog? I feel you know me well enough to detect it.) Love you babe and have developed sense that God keeps us hooked up to the really special ones and will make sure our paths cross again.

Meanwhile I cannot believe I missed so many entries. I must have forgotten to set up RSS. DUH. So Happy Belated birthday - are you still on a sugar high?

Your plans for Spain promise much...what are the details?

Love you loads and give that Belle Rhodes a huge hug and snog from me.
xx

 
at 8:20 PM Blogger Shyla said...

come back... please?? I miss you! I dont like looking in your room and not seeing your massive collection of clothes, shoes and perfume!

Who's gonna be there to let me know someone is flirting and teach me how to flirt?? Without you I am clueless!!!

Who is going to blog-stalk with me??

What about our random adventures to Santa Barbara...who will go with me now?

I have no-one to sing 'honkey-tonk pudunkadunk' to anymore!!!

Who am I going to dance for?

Who am I going to give my day's play-by-play to??

You took my sanity with you.... you dirty lil' fun haver!

two words: Mr. McMuffin!!

I'll miss you lil' "Poot" outside my window letting me know you are home

And now for a song...lalala....your the meaning in my life... your my inspiration!...*ahem*... you are my sunshine my only sunshine you make me happy when skies are gray...you'll never know dear how much I love you, please dont take my sunshine away!


I realize this entire post is selfish and all about me, but I am wallowing in self-pity! ESPECIALLY since you didnt say "goodbye"! ...Ghetto!!! Boooo!!!

 
at 5:57 PM Blogger Unknown said...

Buh, i miss you. seeing you before you left was so good.

i hope home is good... and of course, am with you believing Kingdom promises... roll hard; we can't do anything else, you and i.

love you!!! xoxo

 
at 2:40 AM Blogger joykos said...

hi,

i miss you sooo much. i am excited for your adventure. i like reading your words. i wonder when i shall ever see you again. i know i will, though. remember, you have pieces of my heart. i love you so much.
-joy

 

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